So This Is Bliss
by mysticxf
Summary: Jack assimilates into his new role on the island, but is concerned Kate doesn’t feel the same way he does about the situation. AU, written pre 'Every Man For Himself'
1. Arriving

Lost and its characters belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot and The Others. Jack assimilates into his new role on the island, but is concerned Kate doesn't feel the same way he does about the situation.

Lost – So This Is Bliss  
By Mystic  
October 2006

He tried to pretend everything was normal because that's what Jack thought Kate needed. His alarm was set for six in the morning, the same as it'd been back home and when he awoke, he was surprised to find her lying there with her eyes wide open, staring up at the ceiling. He knew it was bothering her. Leaning on his side, he smiled at her, watching her turn and smile back at him.

"Morning," he said softly, kissing her nose before her lips. She muttered something in return and he turned away, sitting up to rub his eyes. Jack was almost waiting, waiting for her to say she wanted to leave. Maybe it was what he'd expected from the beginning, for her to change her mind. It's what Sarah had done. But she just touched her brow gently, lost in thought as he stood and went to the bathroom to get ready for work.

It was the job Ben gave him. There was a small clinic hidden away at the end of the group of houses and it didn't take long to walk there. He stared up at copies of his diplomas on the wall, touched a stethoscope with his forefinger before picking it up and slinging it over his head.

The last three days had been the same. The people were curious about him, they were curious about Kate, and it'd been a long time since they'd had someone who looked on them with new eyes. Jack's waiting room was never empty and his lunch was always cut short. His receptionist, Jennifer, asked him questions between patients, questions about life back at home.

About smog and crime and things he had tried not to think about since they'd crashed. When she was done with those questions, she asked about the other side of the island. How the plane went down, how they'd survived, what they were living on. Jack rubbed his nose as his last patient walked out of the office and Jennifer packed up for the day.

He wasn't used to the clockwork.

Jack tried to relax, to accept what was going on and think of it as a vacation from the real world. There probably weren't going to be many emergencies here. There weren't going to be spinal surgeries or outbreaks of the flu or too many broken bones. It occurred to him, actually, on the first day that no children had been brought to him. He hadn't seen any.

Some part of him suspected they were kept hidden, until the 'newcomers' proved they weren't a danger to them, but it still sent eerie chills down his spine as he walked home. He thought about Kate. About the way she'd held his hand through the night, about how softly she breathed in her sleep, about how good her bare skin felt against his. He waved an arm at Juliet as she entered her house, not too far from his, and he slipped his key into the lock, hating that it went in so smoothly.

He wanted something in this place to ring of normalcy.

Sighing, Jack pulled off his jacket just inside the door, "I forgot how hard a long day at work could be," he told her absently, seeing the top of her head peeking from the couch. "I think I saw half the town today."

He chuckled to himself, 'town' was such an awkward word for it, and went towards the kitchen, his jacket deposited on the island there as he pulled open the fridge to get a jug of water. Their house had yet to be fitted with a filter for the water, which was too sour to drink. He grabbed a cup, nodding as she said, "Dinner's almost done."

There was something off in her voice. Something he recognized. "You ok?" he asked as he went into the living room. He watched her close her book and her lips shifted into a deep frown. He nodded, slowly, scared, and asked, "Second thoughts?"

She didn't raise her head when she told him, "I just don't know if I made the right choice," and Jack recoiled inside. He knew she had the choice to go back to camp with Sawyer, or to stay there with him. Ben offered him a ticket to the mainland, but he wanted the chance to be with her.

Ben understood better than Jack thought he would.

Jack didn't know how he'd function in the real world knowing she was still on that island. He didn't know what he'd have done if she'd rejected him. He watched her eyes finally rise slowly to meet his and he saw the apology there. It wasn't about him; it was about her khaki shorts, the clean top, the civilized house, the tea at her side, the book club, and the ring on her finger – the life she might have imagined for herself in other circumstances.

He put his hand on her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her skin and he sighed, "I'm glad you chose to stay."

Kate grinned up at him honestly and she put the book aside, taking hold of his hand and urging him onto the couch with her. She cuddled into him when he sat, accepting him now in ways she didn't feel able to before, and he wrapped his arms around her, feeling instantly at home there. "This place makes me nervous."

"You're not used to it," he told her, unsure of how she'd take it. He meant she was used to being on the run, to living in conditions that weren't normal. Sleeping in bus stations and hiding under cars.

Kate nodded into his chest, her hand landing softly on his stomach. "I think you're too used to it."

"I'm doing my best to fit in," he admitted, waiting for her to look up at him. "Fitting in is the only way we're going to get out."

-----


	2. Adjusting

Kate sat with her legs tucked underneath her, a book held open in her lap and she ignored the clamor going on around her. The words she and Jack had told each other the evening before were still playing through her mind. It wasn't that they had a concrete plan, far from it. Jack knew that the best way to not be suspicious was to not be suspicious. He figured if they spent some time there, gained the trust of some of the Others, they could sneak away quietly in the middle of the night. 

Her problem was the lack of a time frame. Jack didn't quite understand that blending in for him seemed far easier than for her. He was the new town doctor. Everyone trusted him immediately. She was the girl in the house who never went out; people eyed her anytime she stepped past the threshold. He'd smiled and held her closer and kissed her head.

"_Then you're just going to have to go out_," he'd told her with a sigh as a timer in the kitchen went off signaling dinner was ready.

"Kate, what do you think?"

Her eyes snapped back into focus and she turned her head away from the window and towards the woman staring at her with intense blue eyes. Juliet. Jack hadn't said much about her except to be careful what you say – she was more intuitive than she looked. "What?" Kate asked softly, her voice weak from lack of speaking.

Juliet gave her a warm smile, an honest smile. "The book, what do you think of the book?"

"Um, truth be told," Kate said guiltily, "I haven't really gotten past the first chapter." She raised an eyebrow to match Juliet's gesture. "Sorry, I've had a lot on my mind."

With a nod, Juliet pressed her lips together. "I understand."

An older man shot her a look, the one who'd instigated all the shouting about plot discrepancies and character problems. Juliet glanced back, her eyes instantly steely, as though warning him against speaking again. The man swallowed his words and closed the book.

"Well, I think we've had enough for today," he said, his nasal voice rising at the end of the sentence.

Kate watched everyone stand and she moved her legs out from under her, planting her feet on the ground. Pins and needles worked their way up to her knees as she waited while everyone else left before standing, knowing Juliet would be the only person left.

"I know it's hard," Juliet said almost instantly as the last person exited her house. "Being the new person, not knowing the structure, the routines, but you have to try, Kate."

Nodding, Kate stood and took a step towards her. "It's been a long time since I've had to be civilized," Kate told her, a smile starting on her face because she knew perfectly well that Juliet knew her past. She'd seen her file. It sat on a desk, just as thick as Jack's, somewhere back at the Hydra hatch.

"How are you doing?" Juliet asked, discarding her book on the coffee table and sitting back down on her couch.

Taking it as her cue, Kate sat as well, her book falling back into her lap. She gripped the edges, her fingernails scratching gently over the tops of the pages. "Disoriented, I guess, would be the best word to describe it." She tried to laugh, but it was weak. "Jack's fitting in so well and I'm… I feel like I'm hiding."

"That's because you are," Juliet told her bluntly. "Why do you think it is that Jack fits in?" She paused, gauging Kate's reaction, "He does."

Eyeing the other woman, Kate bit her bottom lip and then gave a short nod. "Maybe if I had a job, something to do, to get out of the house…"

Juliet's eyebrows rose, "You want a job?"

"I just want to feel a little less, um, useless." Kate then added, "Besides, I need a reason to get out of the house, don't I?"

Kate watched Juliet consider before tapping her finger against her knee and then raising it. "The library needs someone to help catalogue. It'd occupy at least part of the day and you'd have access to any books you wanted." She smiled then, "Maybe it'll stir up some interest in this book club."

Managing a laugh, Kate stood, letting Juliet lead her towards the door with all the details. It would work to occupy her day, but it wasn't exactly going to occupy her mind.

-----


	3. Reasons

Jack wrote quickly into a chart as the door opened and someone walked in. He sighed, his head rising as he started, "You'll have to come back tomo…" he glanced up at Ben, who smiled back down at him.

"Done for the day, Jack?" Ben asked, his hands folding in front of him. "And here I thought office hours were until five."

Something about the feigned disappointment in his voice made Jack chuckle as he dropped his head to finish writing his sentence before shutting the file. It was a younger man having difficulty breathing. Of course, the young man wouldn't tell him why he had a bruise the size of a fist just under his ribcage and Jack prescribed bed rest.

He hoped it wasn't anything serious.

Jack stood with the file and raised his eyebrows towards Ben. "I was thinking of getting home early, surprising Kate."

"She's not taking this all too well, is she," Ben said quickly, knowingly.

Shaking his head, Jack replied, "She's doing about as well as you can expect her to, Ben. This isn't exactly an easy situation to accept."

"You're doing just fine."

Jack looked away, laughing. "You took me and put me in a doctor's office. Being a doctor I understand. Going to that house, if Kate weren't there…"

"That's one of the reasons she is there, Jack. You needed something familiar to hold onto for when the unfamiliar became overwhelming." There was something of a twinkle in Ben's eye that made Jack want to ask what the other reasons were, but he knew questions were rarely answered for him. Ben told him what he needed to know and that was it.

"She's here because you gave her the choice to be here."

"And she said yes because she needed something familiar to hold onto as well. You think she'd have been able to go back to camp with James with a clear conscious?" Ben shook his head. "She needs you as much as you need her." He grinned, chuckling at something he didn't share.

"I should be going," Jack told him with a nod towards the door.

Ben shook his head, looking suddenly troubled, "I apologize, Jack. Of course, you go home and be with your wife."

Jack noticed that he waited for his reaction, Ben was always waiting for his reaction, his words chosen carefully to elicit a response. The left corner of Jack's mouth rose involuntarily as he nodded and passed Ben knowing instantly he'd passed some test.

-----


	4. Home

Kate listened to Jack's deflated sigh as he entered the door. It was the same one he gave every day. As if he was expelling the day from him before coming into the house. It made her smile today because she expected it, she welcomed it. He came into the kitchen and put his hands on her shoulder, kissing the back of her head before peering over her to see what she was doing.

"Salad?"

Kate nodded. "Salmon just went in."

Jack laughed. "You know, I never figured you for a cook."

"Doesn't take much to cook fish and toss a salad," Kate responded with an eye roll. "You're back early," she suddenly noticed, seeing the clock at her side read four thirty. She turned quickly, "Everything alright?"

His hands slid off her shoulders as she pressed her back against the counter and waited for an answer. "Everything's fine, I just wanted to come home early…" he watched the way she recoiled. "What?"

"This isn't home," she reminded him.

"Neither was that patch of beach, or those caves, or the hatch." Jack watched her shake her head and she turned back to the salad, chopping lettuce and tossing it into a large glass bowl. "For right now, this is home."

"THIS isn't home," she slapped the counter with her hand and then shouted, pulling away, the knife clattering to the ground.

Jack jerked away before moving forward and seeing the slice on her palm. "How did…" he started, before taking hold of her wrist and switching on the water and then he stopped, "Did they…"

"Yeah," she said quickly as he thrust her hand underneath the water.

He squeezed at her left hand, watching the blood run freely into the sink before he let it run clear. Kate breathed evenly within his arms, letting him take care of her. She let him wrap her hand in paper towels and then rush her into the bathroom in their bedroom. He pushed her down onto the toilet and pulled out anti-septic and a bandage and he worked on her hand, letting it fall into her lap when he was done.

"Sorry," she whispered.

Jack laughed, but when he looked up at her, her bottom lip was trembling. "Kate," he sighed.

Kate didn't know how to tell him she didn't know what home was. It'd been years since she'd called any place home. But as she watched him, she knew he understood. Jack dropped onto his knees and inched closer to her, touching his nose to hers, cradling her elbows with his hands.

"This house isn't home, Kate." He closed his eyes and kissed her gently. "THIS is home."

She buried her head in his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to comfort the best he could. Kate sighed. "I should go check on the fish."

Jack shook his head, pulling her away. "No, you need to lie down. I'll take care of the fish."

She gave him a look, one eyebrow jerking upward that made him laugh.

"I'll take care of the fish, you relax." He pulled her off the toilet and took her to the bed, waiting until she had laid down before he went into the kitchen.

Kate stared up at the ceiling, listening to him open the oven and give a perplexed huff of breath before she heard him slicing carrots to put into the salad. She closed her eyes and took a long breath, trying to relax, but her insides were shaking and she couldn't figure out what she was so afraid of.

-----


	5. Omissions

Over the next week Kate learned that Jack burned his food. He'd decided he should be home more often, with her more often, and he offered to cook while she talked to him about her part time job at the library. There wasn't much to talk about, except that new books had come in and they didn't tell her where they came from. She watched him flick up the heat and she sighed. He didn't quite have the patience to cook properly.

She wondered how he survived after his divorce, or before his marriage. Kate assumed it was microwavable dinners or take-out for him. He eyed a package she'd pulled out of their weekly grocery delivery – another thing that came without any word as to where it came from – and skimmed the instructions on the back. It was a kind of wild rice and she knew exactly what to do with it, but Jack stared.

The same way he stared when he realized the chicken they'd had twice had really been tofu.

"_I'm a vegetarian, Jack_," she'd reminded him.

"_Oh well, guess everything really does taste like chicken_," he'd responded with a grin.

"Jack, you just boil it in a cup and a half of water," she finally told him.

His head came up quickly and he shrugged. "I wish we could just order a pizza."

She laughed. "Guess the Others haven't quite figured out the whole take-out business. Maybe we should start our own pizza place. I bet we'd make a killing with all the new people."

"Just as long as I run the business side and you do all the cooking."

Kate stepped around the island and took the package from him, pulling a pot from underneath the sink and turning down the heat on the oven before removing tofu she'd been marinating in the fridge. "Like I'd let you do the cooking in a business."

Jack leaned back against the island, his eyes drifting over a few random items she'd yet to shelf. "You said they just delivered these things."

Nodding, Kate dumped the contents of the rice into the pot and then poured in water and began stirring it slowly as she took it towards the stove. "Knock on the door around two in the afternoon. Karl said it was our weekly grocery list. Not too thrilled with the contents though."

"Looks like they've stocked the kitchen pretty well," Jack noted, pointing towards the cabinets.

"Yeah, but they kind of neglected some other girly products."

"I'm sure if we talk to Ben, he'll straighten that out." He watched her stir the rice and then put foil on a tray before removing several other objects from random places. "What are you doing?"

"Breading the tofu," she told him, pulling two eggs from a carton in the fridge. "I don't see why we can't just know where the stuff is coming from. It'd be easier to get it ourselves."

Jack crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm pretty sure there a little wary about telling us where the town supplies are."

Kate nodded to herself. "I'm going to shower," she told him, "Take the rice off the heat if I'm not out in ten minutes." She touched his arm as she moved around him, giving his bicep a squeeze.

-----


	6. Girltalk

Juliet called her name just as she'd re-shelved the last of her books. She scratched at the hem of her dress, hating that she hadn't had a choice in the clothes she would wear. They were mostly normal, even a pair of jeans tucked away in the closet, but the overabundance of sundresses made her top lip curl angrily.

"_I think they're nice and you look nice in them_," Jack had told her.

"_I'd like to see you wear one_," she'd scoffed back, feeling his hands creep around her waist.

"Hey," Kate called back, managing a smile. She stepped around a table, watching the way Juliet's eyes traveled from her sandals up her bare legs to that hem that bothered her so much and then up the dress towards her eyes. She seemed impressed; happy somehow, that she was wearing it. Maybe it'd been hers, Kate wondered.

"How's it going?" Juliet asked.

Kate gave a shrug. The easy conversation everyone kept trying to start with her was feeling less invasive and more, well, easy, as the days went by. She counted twelve since they'd gotten there. She was keeping count. Kate wasn't sure if Jack was. "I was just about to head out."

"Hey, have you had lunch yet?" Juliet asked, her head dropping slightly to the right as her eyes narrowed and she grinned. Twelve days ago Kate might have been weary of that look, but today it made her duck her head and smile.

"No, haven't had much time."

Juliet raised a hand, and then dropped it. "Well, it's good to know they're keeping you busy." She watched Kate nod and scratch at her thigh just above her left knee. "Come on, I'll make you a sandwich, we can talk."

Kate's eyed her curiously before following her out of the small building. It was near the clinic, near an office where the Ben and some of the others went in and spent the day, hidden away. She walked next to Juliet, taking long strides to keep up with the taller woman. Juliet skipped up the steps to her own small house and held the door open for Kate, waiting with a smile as she entered. Kate always felt odd in her place. Like the woman had welcomed her, but the house hadn't.

"What's on your mind?" Juliet asked, pulling bread from the fridge.

Kate scratched at her head, letting her fingers tangle into the thick waves. "I don't think you're ready to answer the questions I have."

Juliet threw her an amused look. "We can't tell you where we are, or how to get back to your camp."

Laughing, Kate leaned against the entrance to the kitchen. "Yeah, those weren't my questions."

"Really," Juliet said slowly, peculiarly. "Can you get me the ham and cheese?"

Kate stepped into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge, finding the items and putting them down on the counter next to Juliet as she set up a small grill. "That's what I wanted to ask about."

"We can't tell you where it comes from." Juliet wasn't being short, she was still smiling, something amused in her voice.

"That's not it either," Kate muttered, slightly annoyed. She waited, watching Juliet stop buttering her bread to look up at her, her eyebrows falling slightly. "What if I want to change my order? No one asked me what I wanted."

"What do you want?" Juliet asked.

It felt embarrassing to ask and she felt her cheeks reddening slightly. "Condoms. For me and Jack," she clarified, as though clarification were necessary. "And, I'm kind of in need of …"

Juliet moved past her into her own bathroom, urging her to follow. "Take what you need, I'll make sure they fix that," she told her, opening the cabinet underneath the sink. Then Juliet made a face of annoyance that Kate had to tell herself was genuine. "I can't believe they'd forget that. You are a girl."

Kate nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you with the condoms, they're not really a necessity here." She shrugged. "Guess you'll just have to be careful. I'm sure Jack knows all about that." She huffed a short laugh and left Kate alone in the bathroom.

Careful. Kate stared at herself in the mirror, doubt shadowing her face.

-----


	7. Trust

Jack watched Kate talk with Juliet in the other woman's doorway, a plastic bag clutched in her hand, and some strange feeling crept up inside of him. It wasn't a mistrust of Kate, but it was that feeling he had when they'd first captured him – that Juliet was up to something not so good under the guise of something good. He stripped off his jacket and scratched at the back of his neck, knowing he'd need a haircut soon and he watched as Kate turned slowly, holding her hair away from her face.

She smiled at him, confident and assuring and she turned back to Juliet for only a second, presumably to say good-bye, or thank you, or something, and she jogged towards him, bumping him gently with her arm when she reached his side.

"Girl's day in?" Jack asked, curiously.

Kate's expression dropped, "We've been talking all afternoon."

"About?"

"New book choice. Apparently it was my turn to pick."

"What's the book?" Jack asked. He wanted to drape an arm around her, protect her despite the lack for need of protecting, but he gripped his jacket tighter in his hands as they walked towards the house.

"The Fugitive," Kate responded with a smirk. She waited for Jack to smile back, and when he didn't, she frowned. "I thought it was funny." Jack nodded. "She's not so bad." He nodded again. "Jack?"

"I'm just not comfortable with you and her in the same room together."

Kate took a step away from him. "So it's ok for you to have chats with Ben, and don't think I don't know he goes into your office at least once a day for a chat, but I'm not allowed to talk to Juliet."

He shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"You think you can control what you say where I can't," Kate offered. "That I'll let slip something of our brain-busting plan to get back to camp?" His eyes widened slightly and he grabbed her arm, tugging her towards their house. "I'm just assimilating, that's what you wanted me to do."

Jack shut the door behind them, letting her go. "It's not YOU I have doubts about, Kate." Jack put his jacket down on the back of the couch and he planted a hand at his waist. "I don't trust her."

Kate managed a smile. "I'm sorry, but you have to just trust me and know that I can handle her." She moved closer to Jack, letting her bag drop onto the couch so she could step on tip-toe to kiss him.

He hesitated a moment, but gave in, pulling her closer to him. It was probably the only thing he liked about being stuck on this side of the island – he could be with Kate without interruption. Randomly, throughout the day, he'd worry about how they were coping back at camp.

Would Sun know just the right remedy for a rash? Would anyone fall and break a bone? Would Claire worry about Aaron and go stalking into the jungle again? How long before Sawyer got shot or stabbed again? Were they getting hurt trying to find them?

Kate stopped the kiss and started up at him. "What's wrong?" She asked..

He laughed, looking away for a moment and then he glanced back down, "How do you know something's wrong?"

She shrugged, watching him, her face suddenly serious. "Because I know you, Jack."

-----


	8. Careful

Jack held her tightly to his naked body, feeling her leg wrap around his comfortably. It didn't take long for sleeping together to become comfortable. She fit there, at his side. Her fingers occasionally stroked the hairs on his chest as she breathed softly against his skin. They'd been there twenty days. He knew she didn't think he was counting. He knew she was.

He took in a long breath and released it freely, smiling when she stirred at his side. She leaned up, looking down at him with sleepy eyes and he rolled over, catching her by surprise when he pinned her to the bed. He nudged his knee between her thighs and she smirked, her hands coming up to pull his body down atop hers.

"Morning," she sighed.

Dipping his head, Jack nipped at her neck, listening to her gasp slightly. "Morning," he breathed in her ear.

"It's too early," she mumbled, but he continued to kiss at a spot just under her earlobe before starting to kiss a trail down her chest, between her bosom, and towards her belly button. Jack moved a hand between her legs, teasing her before working at her with his tongue. Kate jerked up and pulled away from him, moving out of the bed and towards the bathroom. "No, Jack," she told him sternly just after she slammed the door shut.

He knelt up in the bed, the sheets coming up and sliding down his bare back. He stared down at the beginnings of an erection and he caught it in his hands with a frown before shifting off the bed and knocking on the bathroom door. "Kate?"

She pulled the knob on the shower and stood underneath the lukewarm water, shivering until it warmed. He called her name out one more time and she ignored him, taking hold of the soap at her side and she started to lather her body. There were times she didn't have a care in the world and Kate simply enjoyed making love to Jack and then there were times she remembered Juliet's words, and she knew careful was a lot harder than it seemed.

When she emerged, Jack was in the kitchen, in his boxers, working on breakfast. Eggs and pancakes and fruit. He was good at breakfast, she learned, smiling and inhaling. "Wanna help me cut the melons?" He asked from the kitchen, turning to give her a half smile.

With a nod, she joined him, taking a knife and a cantaloupe. "I'm sorry," she said, slicing the fruit in half.

"I understand," he replied gently, kissing her head before turning back to the stove to flip the last of the pancakes onto a plate.

They sat together in the dinning room and ate quietly, avoiding each other's eyes.

-----


	9. Friends

Thirty days, Kate knew. She'd started making marks on a piece of paper because there were no calendars in their house. She put the paper in a drawer in the kitchen and went back to staring out the window. It was what she did most afternoons to pass the time. There were only so many books to put back, or so many papers to file, or whatever other meaningless task she'd been given at the library.

She still didn't feel safe outside. Whenever she tried to take a stroll, the hairs on the back of her neck would stand at the thought of someone watching her. Kate followed a bird flying by with her eyes and turned away, listening to the silence of the house.

Times like this made her miss the beach.

She missed Charlie's music. She missed hearing Aaron cry or babble. She missed listening to Sun tell her about plants and life in Korea. Kate even missed Eko banging away at whatever he was building. He should be done with it by now, she knew. Two weeks captured, one month with the Others.

The doorbell scared her and she moved cautiously towards it. In all the time she'd been there, no one had rung the doorbell. Karl knocked softly. She peered through the peep hole and took a step back, opening the door to find Alex standing on the porch, a sheepish grin planted on her face. Kate stood back, letting her in as she glanced around outside.

"Sorry to barge in like this," Alex said, her voice wary and seeming slightly scared of repercussion.

Kate shook her head in response. "No, you're about the only welcome face around here."

The statement made Alex more confident, standing straighter and looking brighter. Kate didn't think she'd ever had a chance to truly take the girl in. She'd only see her on occasion, sneaking her information or food during her time in the cages with Sawyer. Now she saw she was just about as tall as she was and she was quite pretty. Her hair fell wildly over her shoulders and she looked like a perfectly awkward teenager in her sundress and sandals.

Scratching at the collar of her own blouse, Kate gestured towards the kitchen, "You want a drink, or something to eat?"

Alex shook her head. "No, I just, Ben told me it was ok if I talked to you now. He knew I was…" she paused, her cheeks blushing slightly, "In contact with you before."

Nodding, Kate wondered if she'd been reprimanded for it. She seemed rather quiet, demure. She was nothing like Juliet or Ben or any of the other people Kate had met in the past month. Kate waited, not quite knowing what she should say.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Alex spoke the words gently, watching Kate carefully.

"I'm fine," Kate replied, feeling like there was something else they should maybe be talking about. Like she should be drilling the young girl for information.

"Not feeling sick, or queasy…" Alex continued, her eyes narrowing slightly.

Kate shook her head, "What, no."

Alex nodded, relief seemed to rush over her face before she continued, "Have you seen Karl? I think he brings your groceries." She smiled widely and Kate accepted the change in tone and conversation. She nodded to the girl. "He came from your plane."

"Is that why he was in the cages?" Kate asked. "You said, back when… you asked if he was in the cages."

"He was being tested." She bit her lip. "He's not very good with rules."

"You like him."

Alex blushed instantly and it made Kate smile. The girl's reaction had been the most normal thing that she'd seen in over a month. "I was wondering if you could tell me when he brings your groceries. Ben doesn't want me talking to him yet, but…"

"Every few days, I don't know exactly what day it is, but he should be by tomorrow." She watched Alex take in the information. "He comes in the afternoon. Maybe threeish?"

Taking a look around, Alex sighed, "Your place is nice."

"Where are you?"

Her head whipped down at her quickly. "I stay with Ben sometimes, but mostly I roam. He can be a little overwhelming."

Kate glanced towards the hall. "We have an empty bedroom…"

Alex moved to hug her, the gesture so unexpected Kate gasped. The girl's arms were bony and long and wrapped around her easily. "Ben wouldn't approve, but thank you," she told her, pulling away just as quickly as she'd dove in. She moved towards the door, stepping back outside of the house, looking at Kate curiously. "Don't tell Ben I was here."

Kate shook her head, smiling as she put a finger over her lips.

-----


	10. Tests

Jack swallowed as he walked towards his exam room. He'd gone for a quick break, to run home and grab a bite to eat and was disappointed to find the house empty. When he returned, Jennifer told him he had a patient waiting. A patient Jack wasn't quite ready to see. He pushed the door open and watched the smile brighten on her face as she tapped the fingers of her right hand against the white paper that covered the bed.

"Good afternoon, Jack," Juliet told him, that calm tone that made him nervous echoing in the small room.

"Hey," he uttered, holding her chart firmly in his hands.

"So this is awkward," she offered. "You with the chart, me on the table."

"I wouldn't exactly consider it a reversal of fortune since you're probably still studying me," Jack scoffed, placing her thin chart down on the counter on his side, his eyes quickly glancing over when the glass jars holding the cotton swabs and the small wooden slabs shook.

Juliet frowned, her bottom lip pouting slightly. "Is that really what you think?"

Jack managed a smile. "I think Kate and I are both still under suspicion."

"Why would we be suspicious of you?" Juliet said slowly, lowering her head and giving him a look of amusement he didn't find so amusing.

He picked up her file. "You're here for a standard check-up," he affirmed, watching her nod her head. Jack put the file back down, open at his side. He pulled the stethoscope off his neck and watched her straighten, waiting. He checked her pulse and her blood pressure and asked her to lie down. He went through the motions, asked her questions that had become routine in his head and noted nothing out of the ordinary.

Jack took a syringe and some rubber tubing and approached her, watching her flinch slightly. "I could knock you out before taking your blood, seeing as you did me that favor," he spat, sarcasm dripping off each word.

She inhaled and shifted. "No, it's fine, go ahead."

He laughed because she answered as though he were serious. Jack took the standard three tubes before glancing at her pale face. She gave him a lop-sided grin as he pushed a cotton ball to her flesh and stepped away, labeling the tubes.

"How soon can you have results on that?" Juliet asked calmly.

Jack shrugged. "Depends, you in a hurry to have me tell you you're perfectly fine?"

"I'm just human, Jack, I could have high blood pressure or high cholesterol." She hopped off the bed and walked past him towards the door.

"Tomorrow you can pass by, Jennifer should have the results."

"You do the work yourself?"

"It's how I occupy my mornings," Jack told her absently. Then he raised his head. "Yeah, it's part of the job, I do the work myself." He went back to writing.

After a moment, Juliet asked, curiously, "So you could falsify records?"

Jack shook his head in confusion. "Why would I do that?" His head came up then, seeing the door slowly gliding to a close.

-----


	11. Welcome

When the doorbell rang the day before, it startled her; when it rang this day she became excited that maybe Alex had come back. Alex didn't bring the pressure Jack brought, or the odd analysis Juliet brought. She was just a girl. Kate rushed from the bedroom, her bare feet slapping against the tile of the entrance before she pulled the door open, her smile fading instantly.

"I never did properly welcome you to the neighborhood," Ben told her, his eyes darting down to a basket in his arms. He raised it towards her and she took it cautiously, keeping her eyes on him. "May I come in?"

Kate stepped into the kitchen, letting him pass into the living room while she set the basket down on the counter. She moved to close the door behind him, watching him take in the living room. It was still mostly bare; they hadn't been told where they could get anything to fill it with.

Ben turned towards her, a smile creeping onto his face. "There's a camera in that basket. Polaroid, and some plain frames. I know how much cozier a house can feel when you've got your memories to decorate it with."

She shivered, walking around the island to meet him in the living room. She stared at him, uncertain as to how to even approach him. Anger wouldn't get her anywhere, she knew. She followed him when he went into the hallway.

"A proper hostess would give her guest a tour of her home," Henry informed her as he stood at the entrance to her doorway.

"That's the master bedroom," Kate told him blankly.

He turned and gave her an amused smile.

"There's another bedroom. It's empty. And there's another bathroom too." She cut her words short, pressed her lips together and crossed her arms, waiting for him to move, but he didn't.

"But you share this one," he pointed.

Kate's eyes rolled painfully in her head. "Yes, we share a bedroom." She paused, waiting and then asked, "Do you share your bedroom?"

He turned sharply and she knew she'd hit on something. He disguised it quickly, walking towards the empty bedroom and opening the door. Kate moved towards him, watching him walk to the direct center of the room. He looked around at the walls, the light blue casting a strange tint on his face. "Whose room is this?"

"I don't know, you picked out the house, why don't you tell me?" Kate spat, feeling somewhat uncomfortable at being near that room. They'd kept the door closed on it, pretended it didn't exist. The first day they'd been taken there, Juliet had told her not to worry about it, that it'd be occupied soon and for a while they kept waiting for someone to come knock on the door saying they were their new roommate.

They joked about how they were going to tie them down and suck information out of them about this strange little colony. But no one ever came. At some point they decided not to think about it and they'd stopped even looking down the hallway.

Ben went towards the small window in the room. "You should open this up, let this room breathe."

"I prefer to…"

"Kate," Ben said her name cautiously, as though her defying his wishes would get her into trouble. He worked the blinds and sunlight flooded the room making her wince, before he pulled the window open a few inches. "We should get curtains, soften the light. It's a beautiful room, it should be occupied."

"Get right on that," she replied, swallowing her anger.

He moved towards her and she shifted back, away from the room, her back pressed tight against the wall as he passed her and went back into the living room. Kate took a breath and then went to him, watching him examine the kitchen. "Juliet tells me you're dissatisfied with your supplies, I've fixed that problem."

"Thank you," Kate told him honestly.

"If you ever have a problem don't hesitate to come see me, Kate, I can help." He pulled open the front door and smiled back at her. "I understand this isn't easy, but it's only as hard as you make it." He pointed towards the basket, "I'm sure you'll find some useful things in there."

Kate nodded and gave him a short wave just before he shut the door, then she rushed towards it to lock it behind him and she watched him through the peephole as he walked calmly down the walkway back towards his place. She'd figured out which one it was earlier in the week. He had two bedrooms and when she peeked into the smaller one, she'd seen a normal bedroom, books piled high on a small desk – romance novels Alex must have taken from the library when she wasn't there.

She'd never seen here there.

Turning, she went towards the basket and undid the bow, then pulled apart the cellophane. There was a bottle of red wine and she found the camera and frames easily. They were small, but would help decorate the shelves. There was a snow globe that made her smile, Micky and Minnie Mouse stood at its center waving at her, the castle behind them. There was a ceramic angel, and a book on writing that came with a notebook and a pack of pencils. She sighed, it'd been a long time since she'd written.

At the bottom of the basket there was a ball of soft pale green yarn and crochet needles. Kate held them in her hands and frowned. "This isn't useful," she muttered, walking with it towards the back room. She went towards the window and looked out at the mountains.

Her hand clasped the top of the window and she shut it tightly, closing the blinds, leaving her in the darkened room. Her eyes scanned it quickly and she swallowed as she fingered the yarn in her left hand. She could paint clouds, she thought, if she had paint. And if they had furniture… Kate shook her head and went towards the closet, opening it quickly and peering at the empty space a moment before tossing the yarn and needles inside.

-----


	12. Red Wine NC17

Jack jumped away from the flash as he entered the house and listened to her laugh at him. It was so hearty that he just watched her, half doubled over with the camera in her hand, as she continued, her back end hitting the wall just inside the doorway for balance. Jack didn't think he could remember ever seeing her laugh so hard. He stared, curiously, until she stood straighter, the last waves of giggles washing over her as she looked back at him slightly red-eyed.

"Where'd you get the camera?" He asked, smiling and walking into the house as she went into the kitchen pulling the photo out to let it develop.

"Your friend Ben came by with a house-warming basket," she gestured towards it, still sitting on the counter, the bottle of wine uncapped next to a glass half full of the scarlet liquid.

Jack raised it to his nose and inhaled a scent he hadn't smelled in what seemed like forever, before downing the rest and sitting the cup down next to the bottle. "Wow," he breathed.

"I'm not one for wine, but yeah," Kate agreed, pulling a bowl out of the microwave. "Spaghetti Squash and veggie tomatoe sauce with a side of garlic bread," she told him, "And red wine."

He picked up the photo of himself, seeing the slightly shocked expression on his face and he let out a short giggle before picking up the camera. Jack pointed it at Kate and waited while she posed quickly, one hand on her waist, the other holding out the bowl to him. He snapped the picture and put the camera back down on the counter before moving towards her to kiss her.

She set the bowl down and wrapped her arms around him, tasting the sweet wine as their tongues dueled. Jack lifted her off the ground and huffed a laugh when she circled his waist with her legs. "How much have you had to drink?" He asked, glancing back at the bottle.

"Two cups," she informed him, holding out a peace sign at him. "But I'm not drunk," she added before she kissed him again, this time down his jaw line as he backed out of the kitchen and turned, taking her towards their room, letting her drop down on her knees onto the bed.

He untied the strings of her sundress and pulled it over her head before she quickly undid the buttons on his shirt and slid her hands underneath, stripping him of both his shirt and jacket in one swift movement. Kate gripped the belt of his slacks as he kissed her neck, sucking roughly at a spot just under her right ear, before undoing the button and yanking down the zipper. Jack undid the clasp on her bra and took a step away from the hand that was rubbing at him through his boxers and he took a long breath.

His body lit on fire as she leaned forward on her knees and grabbed hold of his shoulders, moving him closer to her, pressing her stomach into his erection as she kissed him deeply, her hands running through his soft hair, hair she'd refused to cut. She took hold of it now, pulling him down on her, feeling him shift, his knees awkwardly straddling her before he pulled away and stripped off his pants and then his boxers, kicking them aside as he looked down at the one strip of material that stood in his way.

Kate gave a shout of surprise when he moved quickly, hooking his fingers under the edges of her panties and pulling them down the length of her legs in two rough tugs. He stared down at her, his eyes dark with lust, before crawling up the length of her body, sucking at her left breast while he teased at her with his fingers. She clawed at his back before pushing him gently and spreading her legs for him.

Resting against her, Jack nuzzled her neck and took hold of his cock, leading it gently into her as she kissed his shoulder, then his neck, and finally sucked on his ear. He pushed in smoothly, gliding in a steady rhythm against the muscles inside of her that hugged at the length of him. She gasped his name into his ear and wrapped her legs around his back, her thighs pressed tightly against his sides.

He moved in tune with her breathing, driving into her faster and deeper until he could feel his breath leave him as her she clasped onto him, throbbing around him when he came within her. Jack grunted in response to her gasp of pleasure and he shuddered, his body sinking into hers as he thrust one last time before collapsing.

Her breathing came roughly in his ear and he kissed her neck, leaning on his elbows to look at her. She smiled up at him red-cheeked. "Ready for dinner now?" She managed to breathe.

Jack shook his head as he laughed, "Yeah, I'm famished."

-----


	13. Questions

Kate walked across the long yard with Alex at her side. Jack watched them laugh together and he smiled, hearing Jennifer clear her throat behind him. He turned, giving her a shrug. "Consider it a break," he offered, watching her nod her head.

"You've just seemed smitten lately," Jennifer replied. She ducked her head behind the novel she'd been reading, a mystery he knew, just from the cover art, of course, he knew there had to be romance by the way her cheeks blushed every time he caught her reading it. Jack didn't mind. Knowing there were lapses now, time where he could relax and take a breather made him feel less on guard.

Turning away from the front window, he sat on the couch in his waiting room and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. "Sometimes, when I see her smile, I feel like I did something good, choosing to stay here."

"Of course you did something good, Dr. Shephard," Jennifer replied as though he'd just said the silliest thing in the world. "You're doing good things here. You're certainly a good doctor, you make people here feel safe, something we haven't felt in a while."

He wanted to tell her that he kind of didn't care what the Others felt, but in a way, he did. Jack liked that they appreciated him. Sometimes, back on the beach, back at home, he didn't feel that way. He picked his head up off the back of the couch. "Jen, can I ask you a question?"

The woman squirmed in her chair before nodding her head.

"Where are the kids?"

"Kids?" Jennifer asked slowly.

Jack raised a hand. "There were kids in the tail section, I was told they were taken, I assumed by this group. And there are couples here, not too old… where are the kids?"

She shook her head. "You shouldn't ask questions like that."

Nodding slowly, Jack stood and walked back towards his office, the lab. "I'll be in the back, if anyone comes in." He watched Jennifer's frown deepen as she went back to typing into patient files. He had the sneaking suspicion she was also reporting his inquiry to Ben. Or Juliet.

He closed the door behind him in the lab, listening to a machine hum at his side. Jack couldn't shake the feeling that despite the open arms everyone seemed to have towards them, that they were still part of some experiment. They were still in cages, just without bars or glass to hold them in. He wondered what would happen if he crossed into the jungle just outside of the compound. If they'd let them explore or if they'd be stopped. Pickett standing there with a shotgun or a taser telling them to turn back.

Sitting, he flipped open Juliet's file. Just as he'd suspected, nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately there wasn't much history to compare it to. Everyone went in for check-up randomly throughout the year. Juliet had been there for at least ten years, or at least her records went back ten years. But that was the length of time for everyone. Jack wondered if there were more files, files that went back farther, hidden away somewhere under Ben's watchful eye.

He remembered the thick folder they'd acquired on him. He remembered the day they slapped Kate's next to it, and Sawyer's. Of course, they'd called him James. James Ford. A name that didn't ring any bells with him when they said it. "James is going home," they told him, giving him a nod that he shook his head to.

Jack sent him back. Sent him with the warning that they shouldn't try to save them. He knew it would be dangerous for them and he suspected that even though him and Kate remained prisoners to the Others, everyone was just safer this way. Some part of him wished Kate had gone back, but he knew, if she had, she would have been right back out in the jungle with guns and torches that same night looking for him.

That relentlessness made him glad she'd refused to leave. He remembered standing just outside the room, Juliet smiling at him knowingly, as he listened to Ben tell Kate she had a choice. He whispered something Jack couldn't hear and she replied, "_I'm not leaving Jack_!"

Jack shook his head, moving away from the door as their exchange went on and a moment later Ben exited the room. The other man held the door for him, letting him move inside where he stopped Kate from speaking, listening as Ben told Juliet, "_We're going to have to make preparations for our guests_."

There was a glimmer of hope in his voice, of satisfaction, that made Jack's heart hammer, even now, at the thought that them staying, together, was always part of the plan. He closed Juliet's file and put it into a pile to be filed back on the shelf with the others. Jack glanced around at all of his medical equipment and he lowered his head into his hands. It'd been thirty seven days and he still had the one question running through his mind. Why?

-----


	14. Alex

"Karl said I was beautiful," Alex's voice was louder than usual, swollen with joy and pride. She bounced as Kate opened the door to the house, pushing the older woman through before closing the door behind them. "We snuck out, went into the jungle," Alex admitted.

Kate turned quickly. "Snuck out?" Panic filled her. "Can't you get into trouble for that?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "I sneak out all the time."

Giving a small noise of curiosity, Kate moved towards the kitchen and grabbed a pitcher from the fridge as Alex removed two glasses from the cupboard. "And you don't get caught?"

There was a shy grin and a shrug. "Sometimes, yeah. Get a lecture from Ben sometimes, but he knows I'm not doing it to run away. I'm just… exploring."

"I bet if I did some exploring I'd get tasered," Kate offered, pouring lemonade into the glasses.

Alex laughed, "They'd never taser YOU." The girl cleared her throat nervously and pulled her drink up to her mouth, taking a long gulp. "I mean, you're one of… you're a member of the community," she finished.

Nodding slowly, Kate took a sip of her own drink, watching Alex start to blush as her mouth turned into a lop-sided grin. "You really like this guy."

She played with the edges of her shorts. "He makes my stomach bubble, like I'm going to be sick, but I don't mind it."

Leaning against the counter in front of the sink, Kate smiled. She knew the feeling all too well. In that moment, she thought of Jack and felt it. The nervous tingles in her belly that made her want to see him right then.

"Why don't you go to the clinic and see him?" Alex questioned, making her blink up at the girl.

"What?"

Alex shrugged, "Just drop in." When Kate shook her head, Alex asked, "What are you afraid of?"

"That he'll get the brilliant idea to give me a physical," she replied honestly. She looked up at Alex, waiting for her to question her again, but she simply nodded. Kate loved that about spending time with her. She could feel awkward and Alex would let her feel it and not question it because she knew sometimes things were just complicated. "So are you seeing Karl again tonight?"

She blushed instantly. "No, we try not to be too obvious. Ben might get nervous. He says he doesn't think we match."

"Seems to me like you match pretty well," Kate observed, "And you like the guy, isn't that enough? What's Ben got to do with it?"

Alex laughed shortly, and Kate noticed there was something there in her eyes that she wasn't understanding, something she wanted to question, but before she could, Alex stood and glanced out the window. "I should really be heading back home."

The girl rushed past her and Kate moved to stop her, but she was already out the door. "Alex!"

"We'll talk tomorrow!" Alex shouted back, heading back across the lawn towards the place where Ben spent his days.

Kate watched her a moment, seeing her go through that door she'd only ever seen Ben and a few select others go through and she wondered if she could go there too. She chose not to press her luck though, and she eyed the clinic a moment wondering just how bad it could be if she dropped by. If she caught him when he was leaving, they could just walk home together.

She closed the door behind her and her breath caught in her throat.

When had it become home?

-----


	15. Rescue

The boom of the horn woke them in the middle of the night. Jack shot out of bed and rushed towards the window, glancing out at the dark sky. He felt Kate at his side, her breath hot on his ear as she asked, "What is it?"

"Sounds like a cruise ship," Jack responded, shifting past her towards the front door. He went down the front steps, his arms crossing over his bare chest as Kate padded softly behind him, stopping at the doorway feeling exposed. He turned, started to raise a hand and she nodded.

Ben walked out of the back house and his steps faltered, seeing them there. They were the only ones up and out. Jack looked out at the sky and then back down at Ben who made his way towards him. He grinned that sly grin that made Jack want to punch him. "What are you two doing up?" He asked curiously.

"I thought I heard a boat," Jack offered, his head cocking slightly to the right in annoyance. "I heard a boat."

Ben nodded, giving a short laugh. "You weren't supposed to hear that, but I guess it's good that you did. You'll believe me now when I tell you the good news."

"Good news?" Jack pressed.

"I've sent your friends home," he offered quickly.

"You sent them home," Jack repeated, turning and pointing a finger towards Kate, "What about us?"

"You're already home, Jack." Ben turned and started towards his home and Jack lunged forward, hearing Kate shout his name behind him as he took the smaller man to the ground. He held Ben's collar in his fists and he stared angrily, but it had no effect on Ben. "You don't really want to know what the repercussions of this could be." The man eyed Kate quickly, watching the effect it had on Jack.

He didn't let go, he tightened his grip, pressing his knuckles into Ben's chest. "You hurt her…" he started.

"I have no intentions of hurting Kate, Jack." Ben laughed. "Now, get off me."

Jack watched him a moment, trying to read him, but the smile stuck on his face gave nothing away. He pushed off of him, standing and walking towards Kate, his hands still balled into fists, his temples throbbing in frustration.

"What did he say, Jack?" Kate asked, clutching onto her nightgown.

He pushed past her, hearing her shut the door and lock it behind them. Jack went towards the bedroom and then into the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water. He felt her at his side, her hand moving to touch his shoulder, but never quite getting there. This side of him frightened her, he knew. He took a deep breath and turned to wipe his face off on a towel. When he turned back, she stared at him, concerned, her eyes red with the want for crying.

"What happened?" She whispered.

"Rescue boat's come and gone," he told her blankly.

She watched his expression, watching him go from angry to perplexed to relieved. Kate moved forward as he opened his arms to her, pulling her to his chest. "Everyone?" She asked.

"He said everyone," Jack responded. "But I don't trust him. I don't believe him at all."

He felt her nod slowly. "I don't either."

-----


	16. Cold

Forty two. Forty three? Kate recounted her hash marks on the paper and considered. Forty five. She threw the paper in the drawer in frustration. She slipped her sandals back onto her feet and pulled a light sweater over her bare shoulders as she exited the house. She managed a smile when she entered the small library and greeted the woman at the front who asked her how she was.

"Fine," she answered plainly, "Just fine."

Only this morning she couldn't help feel like something was off. She knew the night before was the first night in at least a week that her and Jack hadn't discussed the possibility of Ben telling the truth. They wanted to believe that the rest of the survivors were back home now, enjoying their new lives – or enjoying the return to their old ones.

So what if they had to stay, she told Jack. She wouldn't have been able to go back anyways. Kate wondered if that's what was off. The thought that if she'd chosen to go back with Sawyer she could be in a jail cell at that moment sharing a toilet with twenty other women. Of course, she knew, she'd be in a higher security prison sharing a stall with probably only one other woman who wanted to stab her in her sleep to steal her pillow.

Kate shivered, reaching the cart of books that had been returned. "Not much today, Mary," she lamented, her finger sliding across the titles.

"There's a nice cold going around, everyone's taken to resting their afternoons away, not reading old books," the older woman replied with a grin. "You aren't feeling sick, are you, dear?"

Shaking her head, Kate wheeled the cart away. "No, I'm just fine."

"Doctor's wife and all, figures," the woman said with a chuckle.

Kate pressed her stomach to the cart and lowered her head. No one had referred to her as Jack's wife before. Not once in the forty something days they'd been there. She thought maybe Ben had, to play some kind of mind game, but hadn't outside of the first day he'd introduced them as the Shephards. Kate pushed the cart towards a chair in the back and she sat, alphabetizing the books in front of her slowly. She always took her time, wanting to waste away the day.

She held a tattered copy of 'Gone With the Wind' and looked out the window, towards Jack's clinic. She could see his receptionist through the open blinds reading some romance novel and she managed to smile because it was innocent. Sometimes things there seemed almost normal and she could pretend the crash never happened. She could tell herself she was Kate Shephard, the doctor's wife, part time librarian.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked her gently.

Kate didn't realize she'd been chuckling to herself. She looked up at the girl who stood there in cut off jeans and a long sleeved grey shirt. "Just thinking."

"Mary said I could just bring this to you," she said, gesturing to the book in her hand.

Reaching out for it, Kate stood and took the book from her, falling back into the chair easily as she went back to the cart in front of her. "How are you doing?" Kate asked absently, a hand pressed to her head.

"Karl and I broke up," Alex told her with a frown.

"I'm sorry," Kate replied, her eyes coming up to find Alex had come closer, her arms crossed over her chest. "What happened?"

"We're just not mature enough for a real relationship," the words amused Kate far more than they should have, but she nodded her head, waiting, "I think he's got a thing for Juliet."

"Well, I think Juliet's got a thing for Ben." Kate stopped short, looking back at Alex who stared as though she hadn't said anything strange. "Juliet's got a thing for Ben?"

"They used to be together," Alex informed her. "But Juliet has a problem with authority figures." She laughed. "You and her have that in common."

Kate nodded slowly, smiling as she stood and looked down at her cart. "You wanna talk while I put these away?" Then she added, "About Karl, or anything."

Alex grinned, giving her a nod of appreciation as Kate stood and wavered, grabbing the edge of the cart for balance. "Cold, going around," she explained to Alex quickly, watching as she eyed her suspiciously before moving with her towards the shelves.

-----


	17. Last Patient

Jack waved off Karl before shutting the door and pressing his hands to his temples. Jen gave him an amused laugh as he dropped his arms down and looked back towards the hall that led to his exam room and his office/lab. He smiled towards her and shrugged, "There aren't any books in the library about sex?"

Jen choked and started up at him bug-eyed. "That's what he's here about? Ben's not…"

Raising a hand, Jack shook his head. "Still a virgin, no need to sound any alarms. Just a very curious young man and I can't quite blame him."

"He has a bit of a crush on Alex," Jennifer admitted, sliding a bookmark into her novel before shoving it into her bag. "You're working late today."

Jack nodded, walking towards the desk and leaning on it. "Working my schedule today, had to, everyone's sick."

"Cold, everyone's got a cold," the woman corrected, something nervous in her tone.

Jack nodded. "Sure thing, everyone's got this cold. All they really need are some vitamins and rest. Both of which are readily available." He waved a hand. "It'll pass in a week and everyone can go back to worrying about their plants and why there's a patch of brown grass."

"There's a patch of brown grass?" Jennifer asked, standing to look out the window.

"I was joking," Jack said, one eyebrow rising slowly.

Jennifer laughed awkwardly. "Well, you know, Tom really makes an effort to keep the grass green."

He nodded, putting Karl's file down on the desk. "Well that's it; I'm done for the day. You can head off, I'll close shop," he told her, nodding when she simply started at him.

Jack moved towards the back and pulled on the paper sheet covering the bed, leaving it ready for the next day as the front door jingled to a close. He sighed, he was sure he'd catch this cold now. The town folk seemed particularly nervous about any actual signs of illness. He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and turned slowly, opening his eyes to find Kate leaned against the doorway.

"Hey," he said, surprised.

She bowed her head, "Hey."

"I was just heading home," he sighed. "It's been a long day."

She nodded, her fingers picking at nothing on the frame of the door. "Got time for one more patient?" Her voice lifted at the end and he could tell there was something wrong as she smiled up at him.

Jack nodded slowly and watched her take a step into the room. She was wearing the yellow sundress with the orange streaks that always made him smile. She took his hand as he helped her sit up on the bed, crinkling the paper as she adjusted herself, clearing her throat. "You caught that cold, didn't you," Jack told her with a sigh.

"I think I'm pregnant," she responded quickly.

-----


	18. Confirmation

She watched his face lose color and for a moment she was tempted to tell him it was a joke. But she wouldn't lie to him. "How many days have we been here?" She asked slowly, waiting for him to shake his head and think.

"Fifty," he responded with a nod.

"Fifty!" She gasped, her hand gripping the bed on either side of the paper underneath her. "It's been fifty days?" Kate watched him nod before closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.

"Are you sure you're not just catching this bug going around? Everyone's complaining of…"

"It could be that. I said I THINK…" She shook her head at him before continuing, "I'm over a week late." Jack moved to grab a new syringe. "Hey," Kate shouted quickly.

Moving towards her, Jack took a breath and then explained, "I can have results in less than twenty minutes, know for sure," he waited as she raised her arm, giving him permission. "You want to lie down? This could make you dizzy?"

"I'm fine," she told him honestly. "You don't need a lot, I'm usually fine…"

He laughed, tying the rubber tubing tightly on her arm. "Make a fist," he instructed, then held her hand. "Stop shaking," he whispered with a grin. "I want to run full blood work, make sure you're ok."

Kate nodded, lying back on the bed. She closed her eyes and felt his finger press into the bend on her arm before the sharp prick of the needle. Biting her bottom lip, she felt his fingers brush her cheek. "I'm good," she told him instinctively as she waited.

He pulled the needle out and held a cotton ball to her skin, "Hold that there," he told her, walking away from her with the tubes. "Relax here a few minutes, ok? Don't try to get up, I'll be right back."

She listened to something click on in another room and took several long breaths. Being in doctors offices always made her nervous, she was always waiting for someone to tell her there was something wrong with her. Opening her eyes, she stared up at the ceiling tiles. She counted tiles over and over until she heard his footsteps coming back into the room.

"You're perfectly healthy," he said, standing over her, his hand finding hers, "And pregnant."

Kate felt torn between wanting to be happy and needing to be angry. She cried, sitting up slowly as Jack wrapped his arms around her telling her it would be alright. He rubbed at her back as her hands fell into her lap and then curled around him, pulling him closer to her. "Jack, what are they gonna do?" She asked into his shoulder, trying to calm herself.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

She pulled away from him. "There aren't any kids here, what if they send the children away, what if the children get sick? What if they die?" Her heart sunk painfully in her chest as his hands cradled her elbows and he shook his head at her.

"You'll be fine, the baby will be fine, everything will be fine."

"We have to get out of here, Jack, before they find out."

He nodded. "You said Alex goes out often, sneaking into the jungle." She pressed her lips together as her head bobbed up and down. Jack took a step back, helping her off the bed. "Ask her how far she goes."

Kate followed him into the lab as he began to take her blood samples and pour them into a sink, washing away the evidence. He moved towards a computer and deleted the entries, saving the blank file as it stood with only her name – a placeholder, he told her. Jack washed the tubes clean and then broke them into a garbage can – office accident, he explained, "Bumped the table, broke some tubes."

She watched him roll out a new sheet to cover the bed and he threw the syringe into a sterilization chamber with a few others. "Jennifer cleans them when she gets in," he told her when she questioned it. Kate watched him trace back over his steps trying to find any evidence of her having an examination of any sort before he walked towards the front door, flicking off the lights as he went.

"As far as they're concerned, you came by to pick me up for a walk," he told her.

She nodded, taking hold of his arm as they made their way back home.

-----


	19. What Matters

He didn't have a plan. Jack's head pounded as he thought it over and over in his head. For all the time they'd been there, he'd found out nothing about where they were, about where things came from, about how things worked. All he knew was he got up in the morning, he went to work, and then he went home to Kate. Jack sat up in the bed, listening to crickets somewhere just outside.

His head turned slowly and he watched her sleeping there. Kate was on her side, her hands tucked underneath her chin. She was doing her best to stay calm, doing her best period. Jack knew for all the time she'd been there, she'd found out nothing about the same things. She got up, she went to work, she came home and was the good house-wife, and she waited for him, waited for those few hours that they could be together – where things were normal.

Those were the only times that were normal. When they laid in each others arms and talked about any random thing until they were too tired to talk and they fell asleep. Now even that had become abnormal.

Kate shied away from his touch. She shivered at nothing and she cried when he got through the door – tears he knew she'd held all day. He held her and told her everything would be alright, but he could tell by the butterflies in his stomach that he didn't believe himself. What would they do to her?

She shifted, a sigh escaping and she rolled onto her back, her hand landing just below her belly button as she nuzzled her head into the pillow. Jack pressed his elbows into his knees and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why didn't he have more information? Why didn't he have a plan? Why couldn't he save her?

"Hey," her voice was thick, her hand on his back warm and soft. Jack turned to look at her, her eyes half closed and her arm lying across the empty space on the bed. "You're up?"

"Can't sleep," he admitted, lying back down next to her. He touched her hair, his fingers tangling in that dark mess and she smiled up at him.

"I know what you're thinking," she told him, her eyes shutting as she took a deep breath. "You want to fix this and you have no idea how to."

He nodded, his palm caressing her cheek, sliding towards her neck. "I want to get you out of here and I don't know how."

Kate opened her eyes again and watched him a moment. "We'll figure something out."

Jack loved hearing the determination in her voice. Somehow it made him less afraid because he knew she was a fighter. He kissed her quickly and made himself comfortable, pulling the sheets back over his legs as she moved closer to him.

Jack didn't have a plan, but he had Kate and for right then, it was all that mattered.

-----


	20. Daydreams

Kate made a new sheet. Week four. She touched the smooth skin under the waist of the sundress and then plucked at the material, watching it stretch under her fingertips before slapping back at her, the snap echoing quietly in the kitchen. Her mind absently ran through the list of things she and Jack had decided the night before as she waited for Alex to arrive.

They had to remain calm, more so than before. Pretend everything was normal. She had to go by the clinic, make a show of herself taking him lunch, so that if anyone had seen her there before, they wouldn't be suspicious of the action. Jack would question Ben, maybe Tom, and Kate would question Alex and Juliet about where they were. They'd been there almost three months, some level of trust needed to be built.

Touching her head, Kate turned back to the cabinet next to the kitchen window. Jack brought her vitamins and it made her smile. He went back and inserted information into her chart, because he knew Ben would eventually ask why she hadn't gone in. He diagnosed her with the flu to give her a few days at home to adjust to the news because he knew she was scared.

Kate moved towards the living room and picked up the newest book. It wasn't anything she'd like to read, but she had to be prepared with questions. Juliet would be more willing to talk to her if she was more active, more assimilated. She listened for the knock on the door because she knew Alex knocked softly.

Her mind drifted two paragraphs in. She felt her vision fog as she started to envision herself and Jack with a child. When she was younger, she always thought her and Tom would stay together. They'd get married and move into a nice little house and have lots of babies and be happy. When that house blew up behind her, she cried because she knew that dream was gone, all of her dreams were gone.

But now? Crashing on the island, for the first time in a long time, Kate started to think about family again. She watched Jack tend to people, she watched how he dealt with Aaron and Walt and she saw it again. She could see Jack with her baby, with their baby, and sometimes she'd daydream about it while she watched the sun set.

And then the Others took them. The bag over her head on that dock eradicated her dreams again and when she woke on the bathroom floor, she thought that pretty soon she'd be lying somewhere broken, beyond repair, and Jack wouldn't be too far. She figured they'd be dead before the next sunrise.

Less than two weeks later, she was given a choice. Ben asked her if she wanted to leave and she hesitated, she was so unsure of what the question meant, what her answer would mean. He asked her if she loved Sawyer and her heart hammered in her chest because she couldn't bear to watch him beaten again. As she started to cry, started to plea with him not to hurt him again, Ben asked her to leave and she shouted, "_I won't leave without Jack_!"

There was a pause, something in Ben's demeanor changed and he asked, his head cocked curiously to the left, "_Do you love Jack_?"

She nodded, "_I do_."

And in that moment, when he walked away and Jack entered the room, all her dreams came back because she knew he was alive, knew he was ok, knew he was there for her and somehow she knew they'd stay together. She remembered how they stared at one another, how he listened to the words of those behind him before moving forward and touching her.

It was so delicate, so careful, and then he pulled her in for a kiss. It was short, so much shorter than she wanted, before he started talking, asking her questions, asking what they'd done. It seemed like so long ago, she thought.

The doorbell never rang, a knock never came, and Kate spent the afternoon daydreaming the way she used to when she was just a child herself.

------


	21. Shift

Jack knew when the door jingled open at three in the afternoon it was Ben. He'd gotten used to his smile, to the way his head seemed to always lean to one side as though he were examining him. He'd also gotten used to smiling back, lying through his teeth and even laughing alongside him. Somewhere inside, Jack hoped he'd earned some trust by behaving. That was the point, wasn't it?

"Afternoon, Ben," he said, closing the file he was working on – Kate's file – and looking up at the man.

Ben nodded, a thin-lipped grin, appreciative. "How's your wife?" He asked, his voice even as he gestured towards the file in Jack's hands.

Jack raised it, standing and walking past him. "Just putting in notes. She's not comfortable coming in here – prying eyes and all – so I check up on her at home." He pushed at the sleeves of his shirt. "She's doing better. Went back to the library today."

"That's good to hear," Ben told him honestly. "Hope you don't catch her bug," he joked, breaking into a laugh easily.

Jack chuckled, putting her file down on top of the pile of patients he'd seen that day. There weren't many, so he started playing the good doctor, asking them questions about their personal lives, about how they were doing generally. A few were suspicious, but for the most part, they seemed eager to have someone new to talk to. People trusted their doctor.

"I was thinking about starting a new project, in the yard, and was wondering if you thought she'd be willing to help." Ben put his hands into his pockets and glanced at his feet a moment before offering, "It's a park. Picnic tables and a few more trees, give us a nice place to eat outdoors."

"I think Kate would like that, but I could do the heavy work." He smiled. "Man and all."

"I'm sure she'd be up for it. Besides, we don't want any damage to come to those hands. Doctor and all," he retorted curiously. "Let her know, Juliet's doing the planning with Tom. They should start up this weekend."

Jack nodded, watching him turn to leave. He took in a long breath. Kate was perfectly capable, he told himself, she'd be fine, wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't over-exert herself. He bit his lip and smiled when Ben turned to wave, and heard the jingle of the door as it shut behind him before he went up front with the files.

"Something's up," Jen observed.

Jack turned slowly, seeing the woman staring after Ben through the large window instead of at himself where he thought she'd be looking. "What makes you say that?"

She shrugged her shoulders, her elbow nudging her newest novel, this one a fantasy. "He's bouncing."

"They're building a park." Jack said the words quickly, lowering his head before picking up the chart on the counter and glancing around at the empty waiting room. "We'll give it another half hour and then pack up, okay?"

The woman nodded her head. "A park would be nice," she sighed, picking her book up and flipping the pages until she found her spot and continued reading.

Jack watched her, considered, and then went back towards his office.

-----


	22. Distraction

It was cooler in the shade than in the sun. Kate stood under a tall tree, a smaller one held firmly in her grip as Tom dug a hole in the ground for it. She waited, wiping at her forehead with the back of her hand and occasionally glancing at Juliet, who was busy ordering a few others around to assemble the picnic benches. There would be four in total.

"You can put the tree in now, Kate." Tom's heavy voice startled her and she jerked, the leaves of the tree in her hand shaking violently, a few tumbled to the ground. "Sorry I scared ya," he offered with a huff of a laugh.

"Distracted," she admitted, pointing towards two men shouting at one another. "It'd be faster if they knew what they were doing."

Tom glanced in their direction. "They'll figure it out."

Kate picked the tree up and dropped it into the hole, holding it in place as Tom filled in the dirt around it, packing it tightly so she could let go. She smiled up at it. When it took root and started to grow, it would be a strong tree. "This was a good idea," she told him.

He nodded in return. "I know you like trees." He gestured to the jungle. "Bet you could climb any one of those out there."

Kate managed a laugh. "Not in a dress," she rubbed at the material at her sides. "You know where I could get more pants? Boots? These sandals kill my feet." She watched him consider before shrugging.

"You should talk to Ben."

Her head dropped, her chin touching her chest as she sighed, "Yeah, figured."

"He ain't so bad, Kate." Tom took a step towards her and touched her chin delicately, his hand moving away when she brought her vision back up to him. "I'm sure he'd give you what you want if you ask nice."

It made her laugh and he looked like he'd accomplished what he wanted. "We should get a move on. You gotta pack the mulch around that while I start on the next hole."

Kate nodded slowly, moving to grab a bag of mulch from a wheelbarrow nearby. She pulled it up and tossed it onto the ground, then sighed. She glanced up when she saw someone rushing towards her and she leapt back, seeing Karl grab the bag off the ground and move it closer to the tree.

"I got that," he said shyly. "You shouldn't…" he trailed, the ducked his head, embarrassed.

"I'm a girl, I'm not an invalid," she laughed back.

He shrugged. "I know, but," he touched his arm. "I should work on my physique, right? Impress Alex with something more than how great I am at screwing up and getting into trouble."

"Hmm, and here I thought she had that market cornered," Kate responded, one eyebrow rising slowly on her head as she watched him chuckle.

"You pack mulch, I'll move the heavy stuff." He sounded determined and Kate nodded, accepting it.

She looked up when she saw Jack walking across the lawn towards Juliet. He waved his arms at the two men still fighting and he moved to switch parts and give new instructions. Then he walked towards her, crouching at her side to ask if she was ok. Kate gave him a quick peck on the lips and nodded her head towards Karl. "Knight in shining armor came by to help."

Jack nodded towards the end of the yard where Alex was leaned against one of the older trees reading a book. Her face angled into the book, but her eyes watched Karl. Kate laughed. "Young love," Jack whispered.

-----


	23. Nausia

He stared out the window until he couldn't keep his eyes open. At some point, a delivery had to be made with new supplies. He'd been keeping track of the stock. Jack glanced back at Kate when she murmured in her sleep and he watched her take in a deep breath and then let it slide out. Leaning against the wall next to the window, he went back to staring out at the night sky.

If there was a plane that landed somewhere, he could use it to get them out. If it was a boat, they could sneak aboard and get out. He watched and watched and suddenly he felt her hand on his arm, her concerned face staring into his.

"Jack, what are you doing?" She asked sternly, confused.

His eyes blinked open and he could see the sunlight streaming into the room. "Trying to find a way out."

She nodded at him curiously and then moved away from him, pulling the comforter back on the bed to strip the sheets off. Jack watched her, turning and pressing his back into the wall as she yanked on the corners and pulled the pillowcases off with firm tugs. Seven weeks. Her pink nightgown hung loosely against her skin as she kicked the sheets on the floor into a bundle and then stopped. "What?"

He watched her lips slip up into a grin as he approached her, his arms encircling her waist, pulling her towards him. There was nothing more comforting to him than the feel of her warm body against his. Jack laid his cheek on her head, feeling her press hers to his chest and they stood there a moment before she pulled away from him and ran towards the bathroom.

Jack watched her swing open the toilet and vomit and he jerked back to reality, rushing to her side, holding her hair away from her face. Kate took a long breath and backed away, her hand coming to her lips as she swallowed and looked at him and then the realization hit her that it was morning sickness and he could see the fear spread across her face. They'd discussed how they would hide her pregnancy if they were there longer than the first three or four months, but they'd never discussed the possibility of the nausea. He half-hoped she'd be one of the women who didn't experience it.

He watched her stand and move to the sink to wash out her mouth as he flushed and move to stand at her side. "Maybe I could get you something for…"

"They'd notice it was missing and want to know who you gave it to."

"I could lie."

Kate shook her head. "I can control this."

He laughed and she turned towards him. He touched her shoulder. "Change your hours; tell them you want to sleep late. You said it's never really too busy. You could get away with it."

She nodded and bit her bottom lip. "Ok." She walked past him and went to pick up the sheets from the ground. "I have to do laundry," she started. "You have anything…"

Jack took the sheets from her. "I'll take care of this. Take a shower," she started to refuse, but he cocked his head to the side and interrupted her, "Kate, you're shaking."

Her eyes came up to meet his and she nodded, but he could see her bottom lip trembling slightly and he stopped her, caressing her face in his hand. "I'm scared," she admitted. "I'm pregnant."

Nodding, he kissed her and let his hand slid down her arm, taking her hand. "Take a warm shower, relax." He then gave her hand a squeeze. "I won't let them do anything to you," he promised.

Kate smiled, her head bobbing shortly before she moved towards the bathroom. Jack watched the door close slowly behind her and he heard her breath in roughly. He wanted to drop the sheets and push through the door and hold her, but Jack knew he couldn't control how she felt and he knew she wouldn't stop being afraid until they were free.

-----


	24. Alliance

Kate pressed the book to her stomach, taking even breaths as Juliet and someone else went on and on about how the heroine was admirable for being so strong and sure of herself. She was only half-listening. Her brain was mostly concentrating on how she wasn't going to let herself be nauseous. She swallowed, picking up a cup of water at her side and gulping it down before the older woman at her side took it and stood with a simple, "I'll refill that for you, honey."

She managed a weak thanks and gripped the book as the conversation died down and the man to Juliet's right was asking a new question. Juliet asked her input and she calmly responded, taking her refilled cup and placing it on the table next to her before coming up with a question of her own. Kate always had questions in the back of her mind to divert the attention from her. Juliet seemed to want to bring it right back.

Sometimes Kate thought the woman just wanted to know how she thought and was frustrated by her diversions. She could read it on her face, that she hadn't participated enough to satisfy her curiosity. Juliet smiled at her as she grabbed the cup at her side and took a long sip, closing her eyes and taking a slow breath before she swallowed. Kate smiled at her, her eyes moving towards the two women on another couch who were now discussing the hero and how he'd somehow relinquished his title by having a woman at his side who saved him.

"What's the problem with having two equally strong protagonists?" Kate suddenly blurted. "If it were two characters of the same sex, it wouldn't even be an issue. What's wrong with having a female save the day in the face of a male hero?"

Juliet sat back and crossed one leg over the other as she watched her, her eyes narrowed slightly in fascination before turning back to the two women who shrugged and back-peddled. "I think that's enough for today," Juliet told them calmly as everyone started to stand and leave the room.

Kate took another drink and stood slowly and sucked in a breath. "May I use your bathroom?"

Giving her a smile as she clasp her hands together, Juliet nodded, "Sure thing, you know…"

Kate pointed and moved past her quickly. She emerged, watching Juliet taking her cup towards the kitchen and placing it in the sink. "I think I'm dehydrated," Kate told her with a short laugh.

"I noticed," Juliet set the cup in the sink. "You feeling alright?"

She nodded, laughing nervously before walking towards where she'd left her book on the coffee table. The front door opened and Kate whipped her head up quickly to see who'd come back and in that motion, she lost her balance and fell back onto the armrest of the couch. She heard Juliet give a shout of surprise as she rushed to her side and Kate waved her off, trying to tell her she was fine, but she wasn't. She was dizzy.

"We should get her to Jack," she heard Ben's voice say, panic running through it. They moved her into the couch, each with a hand on either one of her arms.

"She's fine," Juliet affirmed. "Dehydrated," she repeated the word calmly and Kate glanced up to see Ben nod towards her, his top lip sliding out from between his teeth. "Did you need something, Ben?"

He shook his head, his hand waving up towards the duo. "It can wait now. It was about the order. I'll put it in." He stepped away from the two women and Kate watched him smile down at her. "You need to take better care of yourself," he pointed, a huff of a laugh escaping before he turned and walked out of the house.

Kate sighed. Relief, and she turned to watch Juliet sit down on the couch next to her. She had that smile on her face, the one that told Kate she knew something and wasn't telling. "What order?" Kate asked shortly.

"We're ordering new furniture, some new supplies. There was a question of what to get, but it's settled now."

"Think you can order me some pants," Kate sighed in frustration.

"You like to wear the pants in the house, don't you." She gestured back behind her, at the conversation before. "You've obviously taken some kind of offense at being told a woman cannot be equal to a man."

Kate shrugged, sinking into the couch. "It's just sexist to think a man can save the day, but a woman can't. Most especially when there are two 'heroes'. It's assumed that if there is a female in a story that her storyline is reserved for only being the romantic interest. Woman are so much more than that."

"They are, aren't they?" Juliet said, smiling as she grabbed hold of her knees. "They're more than romantic stereotypes, mothers and wives. We can save the day too." Nodding, Kate stood slowly and made her way towards the front door, the book pressed against her ribs. Juliet followed, holding the door open for her. "We can be friends too," she said quietly.

"Yeah," Kate agreed, her face falling into a frown.

"Is everything ok?" Juliet asked and something about her tone made Kate glance up, see the change on her face, the concern. It was the first time Kate could ever say she thought Juliet was worried.

Stepping outside, Kate didn't force a smile, didn't feel like lying. She told her, honestly, "I'm just going through changes right now. It's a little hard to adjust to, but I'm adjusting." She nodded, looking up at Juliet, who was still looked troubled. "I'll be ok."

"If you need to talk," Juliet whispered. "I know it's hard, that you have… trust issues, but, we're really only looking out for you. We don't want to hurt you and we don't want you to feel like you have to keep secrets, or only confide in Jack. We're here for you too."

Kate watched her, studied her, and she believed her.

-----


	25. A New Start

Jack noticed her attitude had shifted suddenly. He didn't sense the fear he'd sensed before and he thought to question it, but he didn't. He was almost afraid that if he did, he'd flip that switch back over. He watched her hum to herself as she finished preparing dinner and he leafed through the book she'd been reading before standing and moving into the kitchen to help set the table.

"I was thinking," Kate told him, her eyes darting towards him, "That maybe we should start thinking about life here."

"What do you mean?" Jack replied, his voice deep and confused. He watched her shrug her shoulders as she moved to take a salad out of the fridge.

"What if we can't escape," she offered, looking back at him while raising an eyebrow. "What if we never get out of this place? How long do we try before we just give in and let this be home?"

Shaking his head, Jack laughed. "Kate…"

"No," she stopped him. "We have to start thinking of it as a possibility."

He pushed off the counter and took the salad from her, putting it down beside her. "I won't start thinking of it as a possibility. Ever. This is temporary. This is not where we're raising our child."

"What's so bad about it?" Kate questioned. "I know what they did to get us here, Jack, I didn't forget that. I didn't forget the emotional rollercoaster I had to go through, you had to go through, hell, Sawyer…" she trailed, her thoughts winding back to a day when she'd held his warm body through the bars of her cage and pleaded with Pickett not to kill him. "I know what we've been through, but since then? The only thing making this place 'bad' is our constant insistence that it has to be bad." She paused before adding, "What if it's not?"

Jack turned away from her, walked towards the dining room table before turning again. He couldn't believe SHE was saying this. Kate stood there, hands on her waist, and he pressed his fingers into his forehead. He considered, calming himself because he knew getting angry with her wouldn't solve anything. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

He dropped his hand and watched her hands slide forward towards her belly before falling away. "I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of lying and scheming and hiding. I'm tired of being afraid. Tired of being afraid of disappointing you by enjoying any of this because I think you're enjoying part of this and it's not fair that I can't." Then she softened. "Where are we going to go?"

"Home."

"And what is that?" She leaned an elbow on the counter, her fingers touching the edge of the glass bowl. "That a beach on the other side of the island? Because if they want us, they can just go over there and get us. Or are we getting off the island? Somehow, magically, we get back to the mainland and someone spots me and realizes that I'm wanted."

"What do you want me to do, Kate?" Jack told her plainly, his head cocking to the side.

She pressed her lips together tightly. "This might be the only chance at a normal life for US. You know that?"

Jack nodded his head slowly and then moved forward again, grabbing the salad bowl and taking it to the table. When he turned again, she was holding back tears, her bottom lip pressed tightly between her teeth as she served them, her hand gripping the counter. He walked towards her, watching her turn her head and swipe at her cheeks. "Hey," he said softly, taking her by the waist and turning her towards him. She looked away, another tear working its way down her cheek.

"I just want to be happy," she half-whispered, her voice lost in sadness. "And right now, I can't be because I'm scared you'll hate me for it."

"I'd never hate you." Putting his arms around her, he felt her burry her head in his chest as she started to cry heavily, openly. He wanted to take her to Ben, show him how wonderful his utopia was. Jack kissed her head and he pulled her back, looking into her eyes and nodding. "I don't trust…"

She shook her head. "I know, but no place is perfect, Jack."

"Is this really what you want? To stay here?" He watched her consider.

"No, I want to go back to the way things were before when all we were scared of was some howling in the jungle." She shrugged. "When the only people who kept us prisoner were ourselves." Kate tugged on his shirt, looking up into his eyes. "I want to start over and do it right."

He laughed, cradling her face in his hands. "Only if I end up with you."

Kate blushed, moving away from him towards the food and he sighed. If what she wanted was to pretend this was normal, he could do that.

-----


	26. Choices

Kate glanced down at the place where her stomach curved outward slightly and she sighed, touching the area gently with a soapy hand. Thirteen weeks. Jack had stopped spending his nights staring out the window and now spent them lying next to her in bed again, his arm wrapped protectively around her. She'd stopped feeling nauseous and started asking more questions during the book club meetings. She also spent more time talking with Juliet afterwards about random things they'd never talked before.

Juliet and Ben were seeing one another at night, trying to work through problems they'd had before. It made Kate feel more comfortable, having normal conversations with the woman about HER. Finally Kate was able to ask questions and feel in control of the situation. She admitted to the woman that she'd been afraid of not fitting in, but that now she was ready to.

And it was that easy.

Somehow she didn't think the feelings inside her would have changed, but somewhere inside it's all she really wanted. Kate wanted a normal life, a normal marriage and a normal job and the possibility of normal kids. Having a family, growing old, and dying a peaceful death. No running or scavenging for food or being afraid for her life. Somehow Juliet telling her there was nothing to be afraid of made her feel better.

She stepped out of the shower when she heard the banging on the door. Kate threw the nearest shirt over her head and rushed out, her wet hair slapping against her back as she went. When she tore the door open, Alex flew past her, straight into the middle of the living room looking as flustered as she must have looked. Kate took a long breath of relief and closed the door behind her, leaning against it as she watched Alex turn slowly and stare at her, wide-eyed.

"I interrupted your shower," she managed.

Kate nodded, then pushed off the door. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, but," she pointed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" she trailed, her arms crossing over her chest. "I just needed to talk to someone and you're the only person who doesn't make me feel like I'm being examined."

Walking towards her, Kate ushered her towards the couch, sitting next to her and touching her arm. "Hey, it's ok, what happened?"

"Karl and I had sex last night."

Kate nodded slowly and waited. After a moment, she asked, "And?"

Alex raised an eyebrow at her. "And? That wasn't supposed to happen. Ben's going to be furious."

Kate was tempted to laugh. She remembered when she was a teenager, the first time she and Tom had sex in her bedroom on a night when her mother had a double shift and her father was out somewhere getting drunk. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but the next day? She thought her mother could see it on her, smell it on her. The only thing she could really see though was her guilt.

"Ben always talks about timing, about time." Alex rubbed her head. "I'm always waiting for him to tell me the right time to do something. Like when it was the right time to have you join us, or the right time to make the list, or the right time to eat dinner. Everything is a waiting game, waiting for the right time. I'm sick of waiting around for him to tell me what to do."

Kate brushed a hand over Alex's hair, understanding her frustration. "If it was the right time for you, then it was."

Alex glanced up at her and considered. "It is my choice, isn't it," her voice wavered, as though she wasn't so sure. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions about when things happen."

Kate nodded, watching her fold her arms over her own stomach. "Do you love Karl?" She asked her gently.

The girl nodded to the ground, then glanced up at Kate. "Yeah, I do."

"Ben can't do anything about how you feel," she offered. "And as much control as he thinks he has over everything here, everyone still has their own free will to make the choices that determine their paths. He can't control everything." Kate stood and moved towards the kitchen. "You want some breakfast?"

Behind her, Alex stirred on the couch, following her. "I'm sorry I interrupted your shower," she said softly, leaning against the island as Kate began to pull bread from the fridge.

Kate smiled, turning back towards her. "I was done, just in there daydreaming."

She watched Alex grin, her cheeks glowing red. "About Jack?"

Putting the bread down, she touched her stomach and sighed. "Actually, about the baby." Her eyes drifted back up at the girl who rounded the counter and stared at her curiously, unsure of what to say. "Is this what they wanted, Alex? I know they were trying to take Claire…"

Alex shook her head. "It's not what you think. They wouldn't have hurt Claire's baby. Aaron, right? She named him Aaron?"

Kate nodded slowly. "But they would have hurt Claire."

"They didn't want Claire," Alex told her, taking a step forward, her hand clutching onto the sink. "But it's different with you and Jack. It's safe; you're safe."

With a sigh, Kate grabbed the bag at her side and undid the twisty tie, pulling out two slices to toast. "Why did they bring us here, Alex?"

She bit her lip, not speaking as Kate crossed her arms over her chest, waiting patiently. "You're good people, good people they needed to protect."

Kate scratched her head and turned to look out of the window just above the sink. "Why do we need protecting?"

"I don't know all the answers," Alex mumbled and Kate looked back at her, watching her scratch at nothing on the counter.

"I'm sorry," Kate told her. She waited, smiling when Alex raised her head and nodded, understanding.

-----


	27. Uninvited Guests

Jack saw the rustling in the trees before anyone else. He was watching to see when Kate would be heading home. No matter how often people congratulated them, or how often Ben told him things were going to be just fine and no matter how many random pieces of furniture they delivered to their house for the baby's room, he couldn't shake the feeling something was going to happen to her.

He pushed his fingers through the blinds and saw the swift movement of a person he hadn't seen in too long. A person he thought he'd never see again. Jack also saw the glint of a rifle and knew nothing good could come from this. He looked back at Jennifer.

"I'm going to the library, stay there, don't move until I get back." She started to stand and he raised a hand. "Don't MOVE!" He gestured for her to sit back down and she did, her eyes wide with worry. "Everything will be fine, just don't get up, no matter what you hear, do NOT get up."

Jennifer closed her book as he exited the building, closing the door behind him. Jack watched the movement in the trees just outside of the compound as he ran towards the library, pulling open the front door and spotting Kate near the back, her head coming up to see him. "Wha…" she started.

He shook his head. "Get down, now."

The older woman up front made a noise of panic. "What's going on?"

Jack looked back towards Kate. "There was no rescue boat," he told her silently, watching her nod and start to make her way towards the front, going behind the desk to urge Mary to the ground. Jack went back towards the door and Kate shouted his name.

"Be careful," she told him.

Jack nodded slowly, walking back out into the sunlight. He looked out at the trees and tried to gesture that they should stop. He moved a hand back and forth over his neck before making his way towards those trees, careful before he heard the first gunshot ring out. He ducked his head, seeing Pickett rush out at his side, pushing him aside and off his feet. Jack pressed his forehead to the grass before looking up as Pickett stood at the edge of one of the houses and peered out.

"Don't SHOOT!" Jack shouted, more to those in the jungle than Pickett at the side of the house.

Pickett turned towards him and gave him a scowl before turning back to the jungle and firing off several rounds. There was one shot back, a shot that sent Pickett's gun flying in the air before he pulled another from a holster on his ankle. Jack watched Sayid emerge, watched him press a gun to Pickett's head before the man swung a hand up and they began to fight.

"STOP!" Jack shouted, running towards them. He pulled Pickett away, throwing him to the ground before Sayid moved away, back into the jungle as people ran past him.

Pickett stood, shoving Jack out of the way as he went into the jungle after Sayid. Jack started to rush forward, but a hand caught his shoulder, a strong hand he recognized. He turned back to look into Sawyer's eyes, watched the other man shake his head and tell him, "We came to get you and Kate."

"You shouldn't have come back," Ben told him.

Sawyer held his gun up and turned. "How's about we play fair this time, honcho?" He took a step forward and Ben grinned and Jack looked back towards the jungle, wondering just how many people had come. He turned back when he heard the first punch and he moved towards Sawyer, trying to pull him off Ben.

"STOP!" Kate rushed towards them, a hand against Sawyer's chest, pushing him back with Jack.

Sawyer lost his breath, pulling away from Jack, his eyes dropping down to her stomach. Jack looked from Kate to Sawyer. Twenty weeks. There was no hiding her pregnancy from him and she didn't try. Ben walked away, his hand pressed to his jaw as Pickett returned with Sayid, Locke, and Charlie all looking surprised as Kate turned away from Sawyer to look at them.

Jack watched her take in a long breath and then move slowly towards their house, her feet quick up the stairs and the door slammed loudly behind her. Some part of him wanted to follow her, but instead, he turned back to Sawyer. "They told you not to come back."

Sawyer blinked several times, then looked up at Jack.

"Why did you come back!?" Jack shouted.

"I came to save her," he admitted, his voice barely over a whisper.

Jack watched when Tom came and easily stripped the gun off Sawyer, carting him away with the other men towards a path that behind the buildings to a place they'd never gone. After a moment, he heard a vehicle start up, the sound startling him. He could only guess they were being taken to the Hydra hatch, to be put in cages. Jack pressed his hands to his temples.

"This is what we were trying to avoid," Ben told him, walking back across the lawn. "We were more than willing to let them live on the other side of the island, but now they know where we are."

"What are you going to do?" Jack asked in a low growl.

Ben considered. "I know I lied to you."

Jack's head whipped up. "We're through with the mind games; don't change the subject."

"We'll make sure they don't return," Ben told him sternly, walking away. "You should attend to your wife," he raised a finger towards the house and Jack clenched his jaw, feeling powerless.

-----


	28. Starting Over

Kate shook her head when he entered the house. She crossed an arm over her belly, a pose he'd gotten used to seeing, and then propped her other elbow in her hand, biting her thumb nervously. "What are they going to do?"

"I think they're going to kill them," Jack told her plainly as he crossed the room towards her. "You stay here, I'm going to talk to Ben, maybe make a deal."

"Another deal," Kate said, nodding.

"Yeah," Jack admitted. "Another deal. I think it's worth trying to save their lives."

"What kind of deal could you POSSIBLY strike?" She shouted, watching him go out the front door. Kate laid her palm flat on the side of her stomach feeling the thumping there and she frowned, moving to sit in the living room. She waited, almost expecting Juliet to come and try to comfort her, or Alex to come give her information, but instead, she sat in silence as the sun went down.

Kate stood, walking towards the front door and she opened it, listening to the crickets and the wind in the trees before stepping out and walking to the edge of the porch and down the stairs. It had never been this quiet. She looked out on the moon-lit lawn, at the benches in the center and the trees surrounding them where she ate lunch with Alex every day.

"Psst," she heard. Her eyebrows furrowed as she turned and looked out into the jungle. She saw a familiar face, one she wasn't quite ready to approach, until he give her a toothy grin, a nod of his head, and a wave of his arm. "Come on, we haven't much time," Desmond hissed.

She hurried towards him, glancing back over her shoulder quickly.

"They're occupied now. It was a diversion," he told her, his grin dropping as she came to stand in front of him.

"Desmond," she said, testing the name, watching him nod. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been making something for you. Something for everyone, but I have to give it to you."

She shook her head, feeling his hands clasp onto hers, holding them in a spot between her baby and his waist. "What?" She felt the solid object slip into her fingers and she opened her hand, staring at the odd key there.

"When the hatch imploded, I saw things, things that are too complicated to explain, but I knew, then, what had to be done to make everything right." He pointed towards the building she'd seen Ben go into, the one she'd never been in herself, "There's a failsafe switch in there, like there was at the Swan. These folks, they've been pushing a button as well." He waved away her questions. "You have to activate the failsafe, it'll set things right. Set things back."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked him with a quick shake of her head. "That doesn't make sense. A failsafe for what?"

"It'll turn back time for you," he grinned, "the way it let me see the future." Again, he waved his hands at her. "No, listen. You have to go into that room, it'll be under the floorboards, out of sight, under a table. You have to do it now, before someone comes back to push the button."

Kate watched him, her hand pressing to her stomach, a feeling of nausea taking over. Desmond smiled down at her belly, put his hand beside hers and he gave a short laugh when the baby kicked at him. She studied him as he looked back up at her, nodding his head, understanding her fear.

"You'll have this baby, Kate. He'll be a beautiful healthy little boy. He'll look like his father and by golly, lass, he'll have your spirit and you'll name him Noah." He laughed mysteriously before adding, "But it'll be in another life, a new one you'll start just as soon as you turn that key."

His hand slipped off her stomach and he stepped back into the jungle, disappearing into the foliage as she watched, her breath escaping her in ragged puffs. Kate wrapped her arms around herself, then held the key between her hands and moved quickly towards the building.

She gripped the handle, half expecting it to be locked, but when she turned the knob, it was open. Pushing it and slipping in, she took a long breath, breathing the stale air inside. Against the wall a large computer beeped away softly, lights flicking on and off here and there and Kate walked towards it, staring at a large clock hanging on the wall like the one at the hatch.

It felt like it'd been so long since she'd been in the hatch. There were ten minutes left. She wondered how often this one had to be pushed. Kate's hand brushed the table in the room, a pitcher of water set atop it with a few glasses. She gripped it, moving around it and she started to pull at it when the door ripped open and she gasped, then shouted, "Help me!"

She watched Jack's face shift. He was coming to bring her bad news, coming to tell her there was no deal to make, maybe to tell her they were already dead. Then he stared down at the table in front of her and he looked confused. "What are you doing in here?"

"Help me move the table."

"What?"

"Just MOVE the TABLE!" She glared at him until he grabbed the edge and yanked, helping her move it closer to the wall before she kicked away the carpet underneath and bent down, her fingers slipping into a hook that lay in a metal hold and she pulled it up.

"What is this?"

"Desmond was here. He said," she stopped, shaking her head. Kate touched the lid on the failsafe and then opened it, gripping the key in her hand. She looked up at Jack. "He says it'll turn back everything."

"Turn back?" Jack asked. "Turn back what?"

"Time," Kate offered, knowing the answer wouldn't satisfy him.

He touched her shoulder and shook his head. "Kate, you can't turn back time."

"I can put this key in this hole," she felt the groves slip into place as she did just as she said. "I can have faith and turn it." She felt his hand close down on hers.

"Kate, what if you turn that key and this whole place explodes."

She swallowed hard. "Jack…"

"Kate…" he shook his head, looking concerned and she nodded slowly, feeling his grip on her hand loosen. She had to believe it was possible, even though it sounded ridiculous.

He took her other hand and she turned the key and Kate felt something inside her tug. Her brain felt like it was on fire as a million sounds invaded her ears at once, but she didn't let Jack go. She couldn't open her eyes to see him, but she could hear him, from some time before this day. Words that had sunk into her heart, words she wanted to believe so badly.

"W_e should all be able to start over._"

-----


	29. Another Life

Jack sat at the edge of the playground with a cup of coffee in his hand as he watched toddlers roll and slide and bounce their way across the rubber and plastic tubes. He sighed into the wind and checked his watch, waiting patiently. When he felt the hand on his shoulder, he didn't have to turn to know it was her.

She stepped over a concrete barrier, planting her leather boots on the wooden bench next to him before slipping into the seat, a hand held out for the coffee cup he already had ready for her. Kate smiled at him before he let his arm drop on her shoulders. "It's done," she told him quietly.

He nodded. "Moments like this make me feel really strange."

"Averting possible disasters using memories we shouldn't have?"

Jack laughed. "Yeah."

With a quick chuckle, Kate agreed. "Gotta admit, I like this ending better."

"Sometimes I wonder whether we really changed anything," Jack admitted, squinting towards her.

She clasped her hands together in her lap before rubbing his left leg with her right hand. "I didn't blow up a house."

"I didn't marry the miracle patient."

They bowed their heads together in silent laughter. "We changed what we could," Kate told him, her eyes scanning the children. "I wish we could have changed more."

Jack bit his lower lip, letting it slide out slowly as she sat up and leaned forward, her hands outstretched at the small boy who rushed towards her with a loud high-pitched shout. "September 22nd 2004," Jack said, his eyes darting towards the newspaper at his side. "Only thing different is I'm not on a plane and my dad's in surgery right now. Probably yelling at some resident about how incompetent he is."

Kate sat the dark haired child in her lap and brushed sand off his knees. He played with the buttons on her blouse and poked at her cheek. She glared at him and he bowed his head, looking mischievous. She smiled, remembering Desmond's words. Noah looked just like Jack, but he was just like her.

"I'm sorry about…"

"You can't control cancer," Kate told him gently. "I'm just glad I could get Wayne out of her life. That we had a few years of peace." She looked up at him. "That she got to meet you and hold her grandson."

Jack nodded. He kissed her forehead as he picked the boy up and headed back towards the tubes with him, helping him climb up the monkey bars so he could hang and swing. When he looked back at Kate was lost in thought, her eyes glazed over like they'd been in his memory… staring away at the horizon. Only this one, he knew, was filled with hope.

-----

Finis


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